Apathetically Speaking...

Ignorance. Sometimes people just have to be ignorant towards other things around them. Why?

At times, when I'm all alone, like totally alone as in nobody's-home-kinda-alone... I would ask myself; "Can I cry?" It is rhetorical. And I usually don't end up crying. I'd just blurgh it off. Lol.

You know that moment when you just feel...BLANK. When your heart doesn't feel anything at all. When all you can feel just emptiness... I think it is sad to feel that way. And pathetic.

Sorry for I am not the best lad, For I cannot say what is inside my heart, For my mouth is sewn, interlaced with fears, Scared that my heart which is filled with desire, And lust and passion, Would burst out, And nakedly show what I feel for you, And make both this lad and you, the girl in the silk dress, To succumb into the pit of guilts, Embraced with remorse. How I wish, The least I could do, Was to move these lips and whisper to you, That this lad who could make the devil kiss his leather boots, Is catastrophically in love with you. But, I am being myself- a coward. Inspiration: The Infernal Devices by Cassandra Clare

People are funny. Especially those who are close to us. We think we know them, but the shocking truth is, we still have a long way to go to know the real them. Silly us~ Nevertheless, the process of knowing oneself is tough. Do you really know who you truly are? My lecturer, Dr, Mazli imposed this question upon us last Tuesday. I could tell that most of my classmates looked lost; it was as if they were trying so hard to look for the answer. I think, to make it easier, we could just simply say 'Yes' or 'No' as our respective answer. But that would be so definite, so... limited. Life is limitless, don't you think? And so does the process of getting to know the real you. Then, you can try to get to know others better. SillP/S: I don't know who am I either. 

We can't just predict the future. From what I've been going through since (I am not going to say since I was born because I just can't fucking remember any moments at the time I was brought out to this world) I could remember, it is not-that-really impossible but still there is unlikely what I'm thinking what would come up in the next second may come true. It might come true but, you know, it might. And things might not as well turn up the way we want to. Maybe we want certain things to happen but let's face it- who are we to decide what will happen next; who are we to decide our fate. Let leave it to God, shall we? I just finished watching Silver Linings Playbook it was an awesome movie. Yup, I did shriek every time Mr. Cooper smiled and I kinda screamed when he danced with Miss Jennifer Lawrence. They were such a cute pair in that movie. I want to say I'd totally raise up my hands if you were to ask me if they would make a nice couple in real life, but that...

Hey you. Yeah. You there. I miss you.

Don't. Stop. You are not in my shoes It is not for you to choose (Although you are partially deserved). Still, You have failed to observe What is wrong with yours truly Yes- Me. I am always stuck in between Are you that keen To watch me independently crushed from inside (Oh well, what can I do) I can just oblige! I am sorry But this is my attempt I am trying to adapt And make you accept Me.

Life is very depressing at the moment. My life, sorry . I'm starting to embrace my bad habit which is procrastination. And I can feel its claw digging my body from deep within and it hurts. 

Hey there... Yes. You. The one who's reading this. Yupp, you. *points finger at you* *smiles* Anyway *flips hair*...let's move on, shall we? "How are you doing so far?" "You're feeling good?" "Or maybe you're feeling like it is better for the world to end now?" "Or you're just feeling plain hopeless?" "Or suicidal?" "Don't store all these negative feelings inside you as they might kill you inside out, soon." "Don't let all these feelings bottle up within you until you're incapable of breathing, my dear." "Don't-" SHUT UP. Shut The Fuck  Up. My inner voice is dying to tell this out loud to other people who care a little bit too much about yours truly, apparently. Okay, mayybe there's no need for me to use the infamous " F " word here so I think I should retype the sentence: Please shut the fuck up.   Thank you.   *smiles* NOPE. *s...

This poem is dedicated to a friend of mine- Polyn . I rode a bus yesterday And yesterday was Tuesday And Tuesday is my favourite day.  I rode a bus yesterday With a female friend sitting by my left side I watched you entered; I wanted to say hi, But I am a girl Who tends to feel shy.  She asked something to you You were surprised; it was totally out of the blue, You smiled and grinned, The brightest one I had ever seen.  So, I rode a bus yesterday. And Yesterday is my favourite day. .

" Listen . Do not have an opinion while you listen because frankly, your opinion doesn't hold much water outside of your universe. Just listen. Listen until their brain has been twisted like a dripping towel and what they have to say is all over the floor."  -Hugh Elliot  " You move others by changing their perceptions ." -Gary Gagliardi  "A good listener is not only popular everywhere but after a while he gets to know something ." -Wilson Mizner   .

:(

Don't ask me "What're you doing right now?" or other questions that I'd call it as intimate questions. We were closed once, but not anymore. It's not the same as it used to be; our relationship that is. Yes, I admit that this girl used to have a crush on you but that feeling was kind of a feeling that most of every teen girl in this world would experience at least once, in their teen's lives. Not more than that, as I'm concerned.  Maybe I am at fault too for giving out clues that could never be visible to you. Maybe those clues that I have been giving out weren't visible enough to be felt by your sixth sense and your practical judgement. You're older than me, dude, You're my freaking senior. At least you should have known more about this stuff since you were born first.  Okay, I'm thinking superficially now. Pardon me .  What I'm trying to tell here is that I don't like you anymore. Maybe I'm over you too soon an...

I am a soul. I am a soul. I am an inhabited soul.   - Though I am a spiritless soul,   - Though I am a foul soul.  What are these creatures Named Feelings What are those beasts? You call them Emotions As I am just a soul, Living in a black hole.  Free me, my dearest windows Feed me, my restless drum Eat me, dear fearless beasts Befriend me, my dearest creatures As I am a hollow soul. I am. I am just a soul.

Don't look up Don't look up  Dear yours truly. Look down instead Bow down your head Listen to their applauds Make you parents proud.  Don't look up Don't look up Dear me. Look ahead instead Focus on what's ahead Fear nothing, don't be scared or sad.  What lies along the path  Nobody can be sure of that. Words people utter can be harsh If you can't stand that Please, just for a brief of moment Turn yourself deaf.

She was beautiful. She was gawky. She was smart. She was kind. She was compassionate. She was herself. Then, came experience and knowledge She was still beautiful. She was still gawky. She was still smart. She was still kind. She was still compassionate. She was still herself. Soon,     love tagged along. She was prettier. Sh was gawkier. She was less smarter. She was less kinder. She was less compassionate. She was- She might still be herself.             She might.

Taken from : http://www.deepcolorstudio.com/images/Felting_Class_April_09/Thumbnails/Complex_Feelings_Det_by_Sue_Bolton_23x42inw.jpg My feelings are probably the most complex thing I have encountered in my life. Feelings, they aren't just "things" for me.  They are like an entity filled with different kinds of characters.  Like when you look at a person; your first impression doesn't always fit in with his true characters and capabilities .  And the famous quote "don't judge a book by its cover" seems very practical in this situation. People don't own same feelings.  You may have experienced feelings that I had never experienced in my life and vice versa.  That makes us unique, in our own ways. Taken from : http://commonground.edrnet.com/files/5063659611/Different_People.jpg

You told him the truth yesterday.   You confessed.   Confession of love;  does it resemble the truth of feelings that you own Confession of love, is it the truth or Just a string of proclamation that need to be sewn.  You confessed and ran away He didn't care less, you did say He kept silent.  And you, being lenient Just succumb yourself into the veiled blame.   Confession of love of an eccentric girl, Enough to make your world swirl.

It's 1 o'clock in the morning here in Malaysia. I don't know why, feel like typing anything out of randomness.   Pardon me if you stumble upon any grammatical error as I am not a perfect human being and still studying my butt off in English for Profesional Communication.  What shall I type in? Something random maybe? Taken from : http://stackoverflow.com/questions/1450847/why-garbage-value-cannot-act-as-random-number I had a series of weird-creepy dreams the other night.   I couldn't remember exactly all but I still remember vaguely the last two dreams before I woke up- my heart beating crazily.  I'm too lazy to type in the particulars but one thing I'd like to share is how I felt when I woke up from my restless sleep.  I felt like those dreams acted as a reminder to myself- that I should stop running away, especially from that person. I still can remember how panicked and suffocated I felt, being recognized by that person...

I have never heard him saying cheesy stuffs like, "I am proud of you still" or "It's okay, Kakak. You've done your best", without the word "but" afterwards.  Is it that hard to acknowledge the fact that I'm not as good as others?

Me: Mama, I love George Clooney. He's one of the most gorgeous men on this planet.   Mama: Okay.  Me: *smirk* I think I like older guys. Not old, just a few years older...   I have my limits, Ma. The minimum gap would be same age as me and the maximum would be 20 years.  Mama: *widen her eyes* No . Me: Mama, what if I was destined to marry a middle-aged guy?   Mama: *inaudible sigh* It'll be hard on you. Have you thought about the consequences thoroughly? Me: I don't mind...   Mama: *sidelong look*  Me: I was just kidding, Ma. I was just . Kidding . 

I am not like you. I can't think critically in every situation.  Sometimes, I am driven by my emotions and instinct.  They are not influenced by drama series I've watched because I believe every person has them. Don't you think so? They are freaking essential for HUMAN BEINGS. I am not like you. I am not like you. I am. Not. Like you. Please. Deal with it.